The Realization

I had to get terribly sick

before I sought healing.

I had to battle depression

before I began to look

for meaning.

My body had to go numb

in order for me relish feeling.

My body had to be beaten

and covered in bruises

before I began to

recognize myself.

My voice had to be

choked out

before I began to speak

up for myself.

My mind had to be brainwashed

before I could learn to think

for myself.

My heart had to be ripped

out of my chest, stepped on and smashed.

Humiliated, belittled and mocked before

I realized it still beat with love and life.

I had to despise my life

in order for me to value it.

paper poetry prose